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Film has historically been a pivotal, driving force in our culture. Yet, one of its primary downfalls is the creation of an endless slew of unrealistic love stories that seem to get more unrealistic with each over-hyped new release. These romances have propelled the expectations of many into unforeseen heights.
The following is a list of some in particular that really irked us at Review Weekly.
1. You’re on a sinking ship
As romantic as Titanic may be, the DiCaprio and Winslett heartthrob moment is one of the all-time unrealistic moments in film history. Yes you could argue it was the early 1900s and Tinder had yet to dawn upon a young Jack, but—let’s be real:
A. Jack didn’t have three other Rose’s on lock? At least one of them had a lifeboat and a gazebo waiting for them on the other side. He would have had options in any generation.
B. The first encounter would not have been romantic—it would have been Rose complaining about her mediocre fiancé Cal for two hours.
2. You fall in love with a blue person
Avatar was pretty surreal—including its romance department. While there are a select few people into the whole “inter-species” mingling in real life (illegally), it’s just plain unrealistic that anything so vivid would transpire between an outsider and her native Dances With Wolves-esque tribe. Let’s state the obvious, she was kind of a badass in her community already—so she would have obviously been more preoccupied with the Na’vi version of Elite Singles than some newcomer wannabe.
3. You meet someone who likes The Smiths and is named after a season, twice.
500 Days of Summer may have given you the urge to dust off your old Smiths records and recite the poetry you never sent to your 17-year old ex-girlfriend, but don’t let it get in your head as a realistic romance story. For starters, if she even mentioned she liked The Smiths in real life—a male Smiths fan isn’t just going to play B-sides from Hatful of Hollow to get her attention, quite the contrary. A true male Smiths fan would test a new potential lover with every rare track possible, including Morrissey’s solo album Bona Drag to show she only really knows “This Charming Man” from a college radio station playlist. Also, would you really date someone with another seasonal name after just getting your heart ripped out by one before? No dude.
4. Every relationship on Entourage
Without even touching upon the main character Vince’s marriage that was a pivotal pursuit within the awful final season of Entourage, you know the marriage which lasted 9 days in between the show and film that begins on a boat party in Ibiza? let’s step back and address how unrealistic a relationship is for both of Vince’s henchmen—Turtle & Drama. Turtle dated Jamie-Lynn Sigler. Drama dated a swedish model long distance. If women were as completely two-dimensional as portrayed in Entourage, there would be no bots bothering you on Tinder and automated lights would be overkill. Don’t let these characters give you hope—if you look like Turtle and are trying to start a tequila company chances are you are a walking red flag.
5. The aged love of Han Solo & Leia
Yes, he’s a bad boy and she’s a noble princess. The classic Grease romance. Yet, in Star Wars: The Force Awakens we’re supposed to believe in a romance that ends from (spoilers) a son that has a temper problem which then causes a legendary galaxy-saver to return to a life of danger and a princess to form a rebel army. Let’s be real here—if your son ends up being a jerk, you’re not going to break up over it. You’re most likely just going to continue taking him to Hot Topic until he finds himself as a 20-something with some embarrassing tattoos, a nose ring, and empathy for his parents who had to put up with it.
