Menu
Let’s face it. There are things you should never ever, and I mean—never—say to someone you’re sleeping with. Even if you’re just hooking up and never plan on seeing that person again. Remember, it’s not all about you. You may not be able to control your hands, but try and control your mouth. You’ll thank me in the long run. The next time you’re feeling it and the heat is about to turn up like a Tyga video, get a grip. Here are 16 thing you should never, ever say in bed.
1. “Can you hurry? I have somewhere else to be.”
Sure just finish me up and be on your way.
2. “Oh man, that Chipotle isn’t settling too well for me. I’ll be back.”
I’ll be gone by the time you come back. Enjoy the E Coli.
3. Any kind of baby talk.
If you are someone who enjoys baby talk you might want to think about seeing a doctor.
4. “Tell me that I’m the one for you?”
You’re the one for me-right now. You never said forever.
5. “I don’t usually do this but there’s something about you.”
Oh—so you’re selfish? Cool, me too. I don’t go downtown.
6. “Hold on babe, my phone is ringing.”
You’re not in a Paris Hilton sex tape. No need to pick up every call.
7. “Where is this going?”
This is going to the bar when I’m done.
8. “I wanna know everything you’re thinking of right now.”
I’m thinking of how not to answer that.
9. “That’s not how my ex did it.”
Well, I don’t really want to think about your ex. You really wanna go there?
10. “You’re not doing it right; I’ll just do it myself.”
I’m guessing this is why you’re still single.
11. “Oh damn, I just remembered, I’m out of tampons.”
I just remembered I have a girlfriend at home that’s not out of them. I have to go.
12. “I’ll be Anastasia Steele, you be Christian Grey.”
How about no. That was a movie and not a very good one. Girl, bye.
13. “Is it in yet?”
Ladies, no man wants to hear this (even if it is an honest assessment). Fake it for the next three minutes. Because face it, if he’s that small chances are he won’t last long.
14. “We don’t need condoms, I’m clean.”
I’m not clean, we need a condom. Oh, did I scare you? My bad.
15. “I wanna marry you.”
It’s nice to want things.
16. “Can I spend the night?”
Unless the night ends at your house, we’re good.
