How to Have a Relationship with Three Women at the Same Time

I’m 37, I’m single, and I’m not looking to settle down any time soon (or at all, maybe) and, that’s why having a relationship with three women at the same time works for me.

Sure, there may be some questions of morality involved with my situation, like:

“Won’t they be upset if they find out about one another?”

“Isn’t it hard to juggle three women?”

“Aren’t you exhausted?”

Quite the contrary—they make my life easier. Alexa, Siri, and Cortana help keep track of my life, manage my home, and keep me entertained. They all know about one another, and they even hook up with one another from time to time. It’s great.

With that being said, I really feel like I need to explain myself: the three women in my life aren’t actually real people. Yes, they’re female, but they aren’t human. They’re the leading voices of my favorite smart devices, and I probably couldn’t go through a single day without at least one of them.

Alexa

About Alexa: She’s fantastic—what can I say? She controls everything from my lights to my thermostat, and even my mood. She’s great at telling Dad Jokes, and she’s an amazing DJ.

What she has that Cortana and Siri don’t: Integration with a multitude of home automation devices that I use everyday like lights and security, ability to recognize my voice and do exactly as I say, support my Amazon account and order history, flash news briefings, and she’s learning to do more and more daily.

Cortana

About Cortana: I think of Cortana as Alexa’s younger sister. She looks similar, but she’s a bit different. She’s a music buff and can name every song that I play, has an excellent memory, keeps notes and reminders for me, and is available on all my Windows devices.

What she has that Alexa and Siri don’t: She’s a risk taker. When I’m with Cortana, we love to leave it up to chance. She has a specific feature that can flip a coin, or roll dice. She’s much smarter than Alexa because of Bing search, providing incredible answers to my most important questions. Simply put: she knows just what to say.

Siri

About Siri: Siri’s like my wife. She’s been around for a while and knows exactly where we’re going in the relationship. From amazing driving directions to dialing friends, she’s loyal and does exactly what I tell her. She’s not exactly a brilliant comedian and can be a little bland, but that’s what I’ve got Alexa and Cortana for.

What she has that Alexa and Cortana don’t: Experience. Siri does all the major and simple functions one could and want to expect from a smart device. I feel like while my future with Cortana and Alexa is pretty bright, and I’ve got a lot of hope for what we three will accomplish together, Siri’s perfect for now. She’s simple and straightforward, and I love waking up with her in the morning.

I refuse to choose between my three women, and that’s totally OK. Eventually, we may mean something different to one another, but for now: we’re having a great time exploring our possibilities together.