So, Your Parents are Voting for Trump

Hey man, we’ve all been there. You’re sitting around the dinner table visiting the people who raised you. Rehashing old memories like that time in kindergarten where you were playing with your fingers and inadvertently gave Tiffany Westing the bird, and when she told on you, you got in trouble and couldn’t understand why. But then later that day, you went home and gave your mom the finger in an effort to find out why you got into trouble in the first place. And, while everyone laughs and laughs at that old memory, you suddenly hear it:

“You know who has some good ideas… that Donald Trump.”

You start breathing heavy and you have tunnel vision while the walls of injustice close in around you.  How could this happen to you? You’re a good person. Your parents raised you with values: help others, treat people kindly… and not be a racist. How could it have come to this? What did you do to deserve this? You pay your taxes! Even if it’s overburdened on the middle class while corporations stow away money overseas and evade paying their fair share.

CALM DOWN. BREATH. Remember: your parents don’t see Trump as the crazy racist he is. They remember when he was a successful businessman who only filed for corporate bankruptcy four times. They remember Trump not as someone who would tell Americans what family values are but as a family man himself who has only been divorced twice. They don’t remember him as the man who objectifies women and demeans them any chance he gets, but as the man who for sure objectifies women and demeans them any chance he gets, but also gives them a scholarship after winning the Miss America Pageant.

Your parents have a different objective view of Trump. Before, “The Donald,” was a thing and before, “You’re Fired,” he was perceivably a different man. They remember the glory days of Atlantic City, before Jersey Shore and crippling gambling addiction wrecked the town. When we think of Atlantic City, we imagine rotting wood and being too poor to afford that trip to Vegas. They think shining lights and whoever the Rat Pack of the east coast was, probably some guy named Charles— That’s a good 40’s name. I can see it now, Charlie standing at the edge of a magazine stand next to a skeeball table saying, “Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Donald Trump heir to Atlantic City. Good times ahead! Also, World War Two.”

So, what can you do? Tell your parents that their candidate for PRESIDENT OF THE FUCKING UNITED STATES OF AMERICA is an absolutely ridiculous human being who actively hurts minorities and foreign relations while making every one of us look like clowns to the rest of the world?

Absolutely nothing.  There’s nothing you can say that will talk reason into these people. You’re screwed. They’re your parents. Remember when you got grounded for calling Tiffany Westing a bitch, because she’s a snitch and snitches get called bitches? Your parents didn’t care about the whole story then and they sure don’t now. Trump speaks to parents. He speaks to their very racist youth. Remember, if your parents are over 50, they likely grew up in segregated schools during the civil rights era.  Just wait: when we’re older, we’re going to take political advice from Justin Bieber and Fraggles while voting someone who wears slap bracelets into office.

Can you motivate yourself to vote more than your parents are motivated to vote? It might be a lot to ask, but it’s your only hope. My mom sure does love wearing those “I Voted” stickers.

Featured Image Photo Credit: a katz / Shutterstock.com